sharing this is embarrassing
but embarrassment is fun
i have always thought about my friend whose surname is Dick, or an acquaintance whose name is also Gabriel but would rather tell the world his native name, which almost always makes people say, “come again?” or “what did you say?” i’m “people” because i still don’t know what the native name is or how it’s spelled.
years ago, i would have cringed at the fact that my friend’s name makes me think of the penis, or a contemptible person. but now? i love it for him. for one, it’s not a name you’d easily forget, not even if you met and got introduced to a dozen new people at an event. most importantly, he’s not the least bit embarrassed by his name. in fact, it’s probably the first name he blurts out, even though it’s his last name.
not long ago, i did something i had never done in my entire life — i took a girl’s number, and i asked her out. every part of the experience, from getting her number to asking her out, was embarrassing. i had tried to impress her with a punchline i had seen in one of my tiktok doomscrolling sessions (no thanks, @savannaraedemers). she didn’t get it, and i wasn’t exactly fluent, but i got the number regardless…
a couple of days later, i called her to ask her out, after overthinking it, and newsflash: i was rejected, point blank… but i felt even more satisfied. there was no point overthinking it, and in doing so, i saved myself hours of unnecessary crushing.
that experience changed my perception. i could walk into a room and talk to anyone, no matter their status or beauty, and the world wouldn’t come to a standstill — at least, not my world.
i recall another scenario… one of my favorite songs came on in my earpiece while i was waiting at a bus stop. unbothered by my surroundings, i danced to it, slightly at first, then letting myself go. people gave me stares; some smiled and walked past, but i didn’t mind either.
i have resolved to be unbelievably honest. if my favorite song came on in a public place, i wouldn’t mind dancing or singing along. if i fancied a girl, i wouldn’t mind talking to her, just like i don’t mind sharing these vulnerable experiences.
life doesn’t have to be a constant game of strategy; there is no prize for whoever cared the least or the most. failure and embarrassment are the only ways you get better. they are inevitable, and dare i say, they are fun.
there’s no better way to live a fulfilled life than to be embarrassed — maybe more frequently. so own your missteps, your awkward moments, and even your name, just like my friend owns his.
