people don’t value what they have until they lose it
erm… probably not
there’s this popular saying:
people don’t value what they have until they lose it.
some argue, however, that people know what they have — they just don’t realize they’ll lose it. this sentiment often surfaces when people long for what they’ve “lost,” reflecting a bittersweet awareness of its previous value.
but i have a different perspective.
you see, good is not always obvious, but bad is.
let me explain.
imagine you live with your sibling as a roommate. every day, you leave the house early and return late at night. meanwhile, your sibling stays home and maintains the house. without asking, you come back to a clean space, organized belongings, and meals ready to eat. then, one day, you return home with a friend, only to find the house in disarray and no food prepared.
what’s your first reaction? frustration might come easily — after all, it’s not what you expected. but it’s also easy to overlook the fact that the house had consistently been kept tidy and meals prepared without your involvement. that day’s untidiness and lack of food stand out because disruption is far more noticeable than consistency.
now, consider this: your sibling may have had a bad day or another reason for breaking from their usual routine. the first step, then, would be to pause and reflect on the situation. recognize that this is out of character for them and that their usual care has been a gift you’ve taken for granted. but let’s be honest — this is not how most people react.
the logic often goes: you’ve had the entire day at home, and you couldn’t even prepare a meal or tidy the house? the frustration focuses entirely on the “bad” moment, overshadowing the countless “good” moments that came before it.
this brings me to the core of my argument: the secret to truly valuing what you have is empathy and intentional gratitude.
why is good so hard to see?
humans are wired to notice disruptions more than routine. this instinct likely served an evolutionary purpose — focusing on threats or changes in our environment helped us survive. a messy house or missed meal, while not life-threatening, triggers the same instinct to notice what’s wrong.
by contrast, routine comforts, like a tidy home or a ready meal, blend into the background. they become invisible because they’re consistent. this is why the “good” is not obvious. it takes mindfulness to bring those positive aspects to the forefront of our awareness.
the role of empathy and gratitude
empathy is the ability to step into someone else’s shoes and understand their experience. in our example, empathy would mean recognizing that your sibling might have had a tough day or needed rest. gratitude, on the other hand, is about actively appreciating the effort and care someone puts into your life — even when it feels routine.
together, empathy and gratitude counteract our natural tendency to focus on disruptions and instead train us to see the good in the everyday.
a practical approach
how do we cultivate empathy and gratitude? start by being intentional. make time to reflect on the “small” things your friends, family, and the world do for you. acknowledge the efforts that often go unnoticed.
for example:
- did someone listen to you vent about a bad day?
- did a friend check in to see how you’re doing?
- did your sibling prepare your favourite meal without you asking?
these gestures might seem minor, but they reflect care and thoughtfulness.
final thoughts
it’s true that people often take what they have for granted, but it doesn’t have to be this way. with empathy and gratitude, we can break free from the cycle of neglect and regret. the secret lies in being present, intentional, and mindful.
good might not always be obvious, but when we train ourselves to see it, we gain the ability to cherish what we have — before it’s gone.
