my thoughts on prayer
i was having a conversation with a friend at 3 a.m., and the concept of prayer came up.
i don’t pray much. i can’t even remember the last time i did a full-on prayer ritual — kneeling down, closing my eyes, folding my hands, and making demands.
when i do pray, it’s not the usual kind of prayer — the kind people usually mean when they say pray. mine is more like a quiet conversation — with myself, with god, with the universe. it usually goes something like this:
i need this thing.
no, i want it.
i think it’d be good on me… but yeah, i know i should focus on the process, not the outcome.
so yeah — whatever happens.
it’d be really nice to have it though…
it feels like a struggle between faith and arrogance — or at least, that’s how it plays out in my head.
if i trust god to do this, then do i really need to pray or even worry about it? but if i don’t pray about it, isn’t that arrogance?
sometimes i wonder — maybe prayer isn’t even for or to god. maybe it’s for me. a pause. a recalibration. a moment to admit what i want, even if i’m not sure i should want it. maybe that quiet dialogue — raw, unfiltered, unscripted — is more honest than any polished request.
and maybe not praying isn’t arrogance either. maybe it’s trust, in its quietest, most unsettling form.
i haven’t resolved this yet. maybe i will soon. maybe not. i hope i do, though.
and if you’ve got any thoughts on this, feel free to share with me.
