dad too soon?
ordeals with my nephew
when plans were being made for me to relocate to finland, having to babysit my nephew almost all day wasn’t part of it…
and even if i were told that’d be the case, i probably wouldn’t have flinched. infact, i was excited to meet him and be a part of his life. he was my namesake, too, so i felt like i knew him already. plus, babies are cute, or so i thought.
turns out i was wrong. 99% of the time, he was anything but cute, take it from me…
he is messy. he deliberately pours water or any drink on the floor. his food, too, once he’s had his fill. and let’s not talk about the pee, the poo, and the goo, and having to clean him up.
he is unbelievably loud. yesterday was one of those days where you just want to stuff his mouth and lock him in a separate room.
he’s impatient in the most annoying way. why do you see i am making your food and choose that exact moment to ramp up your crying and throw tantrums?
and he’s super active in a way i cannot be, even if i tried. it’s downtime for me whenever it’s uptime for him. i have to stay active, joyful, hide whatever discomfort i may be experiencing (even if he caused it, especially then) because the world can wait, but these moments cannot. he’s not going to be 1+ years again. i have to get comfortable with playing: running around the house, teasing and tickling, throwing him up, down, even sideways, when i would rather just sleep, or watch a movie, or work.
talking about work, there’s only so much i can do in a day. everything falls apart once he’s home from daycare.
with the hyperactivity comes curiosity. he spies on you doing stuff, often acting like he wasn’t (c’mon man, i know this game 😂), and he wants to explore everything he sets his eyes on. that means i have to always monitor him, even while doing ‘deep’ work, turning off the active noise cancellation on my headphones whenever he’s around so i can at least hear what he’s up to (which is seldom good).
but here’s what i didn’t expect: i’m becoming someone different.
i thought i was patient before this. turns out i wasn’t. i was just never tested. now i can clean up after another person without making a fuss. i can make his meals and take care of him even when no one else is around. i’ve learned to pause before correcting, especially when he’s being annoying, which is often.
i’ve learned to be more present: with him, with others, with myself. to notice when he’s trying to show me something. to catch the moment before he falls. to read the difference between hungry-crying, tired-crying, and just-wants-attention crying.
ironically, having only four hours in a day, or less, to work has made me more focused and clinical with prioritization, and saying ‘no’ to things that don’t matter.
i’ve also learned that sometimes the outcome of my day will be decided by his mood, or someone else’s, and that’s totally okay. my plans aren’t always the most important thing happening. sometimes the most important thing is a one-year-old who needs you to sit on the floor and stack blocks with him for the seventeenth time.
and then there are the moments that make everything else fade: him rushing to the door whenever i’m back from school or anywhere else. or when he brings his plate to me, expecting a fill-up. in those moments, i know exactly what he needs (he’s hungry, or just wants to chew on something) and i know he knows i’ll take care of it.
these are skills i’ll take to my own kids someday. but more than that, they’re reshaping how i move through the world right now.
so no, i wouldn’t trade being his ‘dad’ for anything. it’s not easy, or cute, or instagram-worthy, but it’s teaching me how to show up when it’s hard. and that’s the person i actually want to be.
the daily dad newsletter by has helped me to be present and tolerant of my nephew this past year. this is not sponsored in any way… heck, i’d be privileged if it were.
