2023 wrapped

The year of quitting

I quit my job, I quit my relationship…

My relationship was satisfying as well as fulfilling until it was not, partly due to our inabilities to work out our differences, mistrust and dishonesty.

My job? Well, it was fulfilling in its own way, but never satisfying. The pay was relatively good, compared to what I could earn locally doing same but worse when compared to the global standards, and my work was and has always been one of such standards.

But I didn’t quit because the pay wasn’t up to the global standards, I quit because the work environment was becoming toxic for me.

My job was getting to 3 years, my relationship 2 years. I’d say that was a considerable amount of time and effort spent — enough to make me feel worse looking back but I choose to focus on the lessons.

1. Growth happens when we least expect it

Over the course of the 2+ years of work, I was allowed to lead the design team at several stages, I garnered a lot of experiences, soft and hard skills, collaborated with cross-functional teams and made new friends. Worth mentioning among the soft skills is my leadership ability which I honed in my unofficial capacity as Lead Designer.

2. You don’t truly know yourself until you have certain experiences

I remember seeing a therapist, when I felt like I wasn’t making enough sense earlier this year — I had panic attacks and usually preferred to stay on my own else I’d lash out at anyone close, even if it were in the subtlest of ways and one of such recipients was my then girlfriend as family wasn’t close enough. But I came out of that stronger, more mentally mature and able to communicate better. Am I where I want to be yet? Not even close, but I’m committed to getting better and I believe that with time, I’d master my emotions and effective communication. These were some of the traits I could claim previously I had mastered but alas, when put to the test, I failed, woefully. Never say never works in every context, even for yourself. I realized the need to judge less as our experiences shape us.

3. Patience can be a double-edged sword

Patience, is a virtue, they say, but sometimes patience is a curse. I think one needs to know when to be patient and when to quit or move along. I saw the red flags in my job and relationship and decided to ignore them, I learnt the hard way.

4. Family should always come first

Family sucks, some or most of the time, but what can we do without them? I found myself having to rely on family to come through for me during the toughest times. But even though I gave back when I could and when I had the opportunity, I didn’t feel I was doing enough. I’d do better going forward.

5. Life is pain

In addition to the emotional and mental turmoil I passed through pre and post-quitting, I spent most of the year in health-related pain. I remember sleeping in the hospital for days, going on regular visits, basic and comprehensive medical checkups with needles piercing my skin at every juncture, having to take drugs like it were food, losing my already weakened appetite severally. It made me spiral into depression a couple of times but hey, I’m still here, that must count for something, right?

Apart from my job and relationship, I quit something else — I quit going to Church, partly because I didn’t have any congregation I trusted nearby and was in a new city, and partly because I decided to detach for a while, not from being a Christian or reading my Bible or praying, but from the drama and the hypocrisy in Church. I still attended Church a couple of times and I enjoyed it. Religion can be a tool for manipulation sometimes so I decided to study a lot more individually, and gain some more knowledge, do away with certain limiting beliefs. I plan to go back to a congregation next year, but with firmer beliefs and knowledge, knowing I can filter wrong from right, and of course with a less judgmental mindset, knowing that everyone is a work in progress.

I could talk about a lot more things I quit, but I’d stop here. I’d cherish these experiences as they’ve helped shape me going forward. I loved, and was loved back, even though that were for a while, I did work that I enjoyed, I gained knowledge and clarity. I hope the lessons remain with me and I don’t repeat any of such mistakes from my experiences, I’d work towards that.

It has been my best year yet, regardless. I hope to share some positives from the year in a separate piece. Cheers to 2024!!! 🥂